Another all-important first date with another potential partner is looming in front of you.
Your hopes are high, your anticipation palpable. You hope she or he will be the one, so you can get off the dating merry-go-round.
You’ve planned what to wear and, if you’re smart, some things to discuss to break the ice.
But have you thought about what things you SHOULDN’T discuss on this first meeting?
In my 2 years’ dating experience, I was often amazed by what men came out with on our first date.
3 of my pet peeve conversation killers, that precluded any chance of going on a second date.
1. Swearing like a sailor.
Don’t get me wrong. I like to swear. It’s powerful and serves a purpose, when used with care.
Some swear words, especially the harshest ones, fit the bill perfectly for venting, or to add emphasis to something I’m saying.
But I would NEVER swear in front of someone I’ve just met . . . or even someone I’ve only known for a short time.
Certainly, I would not swear on the first date, or the first several dates.
And there are some people I would never, ever swear in front of.
On one first date of mine, the man launched into a mini-tirade about something, and let loose with some hard-hitting expletives. Unfortunate, because things had been going so well until then.
I was turned off and on high alert for other red flags . . . which followed in rapid succession after this first offense.
He easily slid into my #2 pet peeve conversation killer. Read on.
2. Alluding to, or elaborating on, sex.
If either of you are talking about sex on the first date, chances are you’re contemplating having sex on the first date.
I can’t think of a time or situation when that’s a good idea.
If you’re looking for true, abiding love, the first few dates with anyone should be about getting to know them and determine whether or not they’re someone you can live and grow with.
If your goal for dating is hopping through a serious of one-nighters, that’s a different story, and perfectly fine to do, as long as you’re upfront about it from the beginning.
Otherwise, sex and sex talk too early may sabotage any chance for a relationship to blossom.
My date noted in #1 above began talking about another first date he had. One woman in particular over-imbibed and made overtures to him.
Using profane language once again, my date related in explicit detail the woman’s advances on him. To me, sitting there listening to him, he came off as sleazy and opportunistic, because he enjoyed the scene as it unfolded.
In the end, I was thankful that he showed his true colors so early in the game.
3. Talking politics in an aggressive way.
Especially in today’s polarizing climate, talking politics on a first date is risky business.
Unless you’re both perfectly aligned politically, this kind of talk will probably be controversial and debatable. Things can go downhill in a heartbeat, and become argumentative.
Remember being told never to discuss politics at the family Thanksgiving table? The same rule applies in dating.
Think about it. If you have no indication of your date’s political leaning, but bring it up anyway and want to discuss your viewpoint at length, a few things can happen:
- Your date entirely agrees with your point of view and likes you even more because you’re on the same team.
- Your date entirely agrees with your point of view, but is turned off by your heated approach.
- Your date agrees with some of your talking points, but is turned off by your heated approach.
- Your date is diametrically opposed to your beliefs and is overcome with the desire to run.
The odds will be stacked against you. Why take the chance?
I feel couples can be politically opposed and still have a loving, healthy relationship. But that will only happen if both people respect their different political bents, and avoid political rancor and arguments entirely.
Someone who needs to bring up politics so early in the game, to determine whether to rule out their date, is probably not the kind of person who could handle a partner who had different political leanings than them.
That said, the tail end of my dating experience was during the 2016 election.
It was very important to me to stay away from people who supported the current White House resident.
I clearly, but without animosity, stated this in my online dating profiles with a statement like this:
“If you’re a Trump fan, things probably won’t work out with us.”
Want to up your chances of getting a second date?
Keep the conversation light and breezy. Avoid heavy topics, such as these outlined in an eHarmony article by blogger Lindsay Tigar. She suggests waiting until much later in the game to broach such topics:
Talk about your exes.
“Discussing the past so early into a could-be relationship is like throwing water on a flame that’s barely starting to fluster.”
In depth musings about your future together.
“Before you put the cart way ahead of the horse, take a breather and savor the moment of the first date. If he does happen to be the guy you’ll spend forever-and-ever with, this is your last first date… ever. So enjoy it!”
Queries about money and personal finances.
“Nothing takes the fun, energy or romance out of a good date like dropping the ‘how much do you make in a year?’ or ‘do you eventually want to buy a home of your own?’ question prematurely.”
Belaboring family problems and issues.
“Bringing up heavy family topics (like sickness or feuds) is too personal for the first date. While it might not seem like a big deal to you, family matters are intimate details that shouldn’t be shared with just anyone.”