This article was prompted by a dear friend of mine who told me she wants to start dating again at age 60, about a year after her divorce. The last time she dated, she was in her 20’s.
I suggested she do some reading here on Smart Dating Over 60.
The next time I talked with her, she said she looked around on the site, but didn’t know where to start.
Below you’ll find my best advice, for those who are seeking a forever, committed relationship.
By the way, if instead, you’re seeking casual dating relationships, just companionship, one-time hook-ups, or anything else, that’s perfectly fine. Just be sure you both agree to the same thing. Let it be known upfront with whomever you date.
For anyone who is anxious or even fearful about jumping into the dating pool after 60, I completely sympathize.
I started when I was 57, having come off a 30-year marriage, then a gap of about 5 years being single and with no interest in dating.
When I finally did get the urge to start dating, it was only a thought, slightly percolating around my brain. But I still wasn’t ready to start.
Then, after a few months, it suddenly felt right, so I began.
I’ve written about how I tackled dating like a job search, and that worked well for me. In fact, it worked so well, I found true love twice using this method.
The steps I outline below are based on that article.
Here’s the logical and smartest way to get started dating again, with links to much more info:
How To Start Dating Again After 60
When I spoke with my friend the second time, she said she had just signed up at Match, but didn’t write anything in her profile or add photos.
Match immediately started sending her matches. She became overwhelmed and went “private” with her nearly blank profile. Understandable.
She told me she didn’t know whether she should reach out to her friends for introductions, and date the old fashioned way.
My advice: Do both online dating and traditional dating.
But, before actually connecting with people and going on dates, you really should lay the groundwork.
STEP ONE: Determine what you’re looking for in a partner, what your deal breakers are, and what kind of relationship you want.
Our ebook (including workbook and checklist), The Mature Dating Game Plan, will help you with all of this, and lead you through a deep dive into dating.
Why is Step One so important?
If you don’t know what kind of person you’re looking for and how you want a relationship to play out, how will you know when you’ve found the right person?
STEP TWO: Find people to date, through introductions from people you know and dating sites.
Talk to everyone you know – at work, family, friends, colleagues, etc. – about who you’re looking for. People who are actively dating or have recently dated are preferable. They will have many insights.
Keep in mind that just because someone you know recommended someone to you, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the same precautions you will with online dating.
And join a few dating sites, perhaps just as an observer at first.
If you’re dead set against online dating sites consider this . . .
The biggest pool of potential partners is on the dating sites. That’s where most people go. That’s where you should go, to really up the chances you’ll meet someone who’s looking for someone, just like you.
Dating sites are social networks, just like Facebook and Instagram. Start reaching out to people who seem like a good fit, but take your time.
Just email back and forth for a bit, to see if they may be right for you. If someone is not willing to spend a week or two emailing and on the phone with you, I would wonder whether they’d be the kind of person you can build a relationship with.
These articles will help:
Senior Dating – How to Get Started Online
Top 10 Best Online Dating Sites for Over 60: How To Choose and Use Them
44 Places Where You Can Meet Singles Over 60
STEP THREE: Create your online dating profiles.
Now that you know what you’re looking for in a partner, and who you are and what you have to offer, you’re ready to write down your thoughts and compose the content for your online dating profiles.
Be specific about the things you like to do, the kind of person you are, the things that make you happy.
And make it interesting to read. Generate chemistry!
Here are articles and a resource to help you:
How To Make a Dazzling Online Dating Profile To Attract Your True Love Faster
7 Essential eHarmony Profile Tips for Seniors (I’ve included this one because eHarmony is our readers’ favorite online dating site)
Our Free Dating Profile Writer – From Bland To Brilliant With This AI Dating Profile Generator
How to Take the Best Online Dating Photos
STEP FOUR: Go on dates.
First dates can be so stressful.
Here’s what I did to alleviate that stress.
I always prepped for first dates by thinking of a few questions to ask them, based on what we had already discussed in emails or by phone.
Many people are so nervous on first dates that they either talk too much or can’t think of anything to say. I never faulted or ruled out someone for either, as long as they came through in enough other ways.
Treat dating like a learning opportunity and just do it as often as you have time for or care to do, and when you come across people who have some potential.
Going on numerous dates gives you invaluable experience and will help you better define who is right for you.
Think of it this way . . . It’s only a date. If things don’t work out, it’s no big deal.
Articles to help you:
The Best First Dates Start with These 9 Steps
How To Calm Your First Date Jitters
STEP FIVE: Make a commitment (if you’re looking for a long term, committed relationship).
This one is kind of simple. After you’ve dated someone repeatedly over, say, a few months, it may be time to discuss making it permanent.
Someone is right for you if they meet most of your needs, based on whatever criteria you set out when you did the initial steps noted above.
Don’t expect perfection. After all, you’re not perfect either.
Articles to help you:
Sex and Dating After 60: When to Have Sex For the First Time
Living Together or Marriage for Seniors: The Pros and Cons
Senior Dating: Are You Ready To Move In Together?
I’m hoping you’ll have the kind of dating success I had.