Whether you’re looking for your soulmate, casual dating or even hook-up dating, I strongly recommend that you use online dating sites.
That means you’ll need to create a magnetic dating profile for each of the sites you belong to.
That also means that, like it or not, you’ll need at least a few good photos of yourself to put on your online profiles.
But what if you don’t have any good pix of yourself, or you think the way you look won’t help you get dates?
You can certainly use dating sites without putting any photos on your profile, but don’t expect too much to happen.
The vast majority of people DO have photos on their profiles.
Put yourself in the shoes of people looking through dating profiles and landing on yours, that has no photos at all.
What’s the first thing you would think?
You’d wonder what was wrong with that person. What were they trying to hide?
And you’d move on to the next profile.
Give yourself a fighting chance. Post a few photos. It’s not that hard for anyone to get some decent pix.
How to Take the Best Online Dating Photos
Be authentic and show some personality
We’ve all heard the expression “You never get a second chance to make a good first impression”.
But how long does it take for people to form an initial impression when they first see you, or a photo of you? 5 seconds? 10 seconds? Nope:
“A series of experiments by Princeton psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov reveal that all it takes is a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger from their face, and that longer exposures don’t significantly alter those impressions (although they might boost your confidence in your judgments).”
You read that right: Only one tenth of a second!
None of us wants to be judged solely on how we look, but dating photos are the first things people will see on your profile.
And they’re probably the only things they’ll notice when the dating sites circulate your profile thumbnail, when matching you with others.
People connect better with content about someone if it includes at least one photo. So, attractive photos will make whatever you write in your profile hit home with more people.
Taking photos has become very easy these days. No need to go to a professional. Most phones have very good photo-taking capabilities.
Selfies can work. Check out this article on Lifewire on how to take the best selfies.
But, if you can, having someone you know take several photos is the better option, using either a phone or digital camera.
Remember that your photos are on your profile to attract people to you, not just for the sake of having photos there.
And the right photos compel people to want to read the rest of your profile, where you can really clinch the deal.
When I was using online dating sites, I saw a lot of lousy photos that didn’t make me want to look any further at their profiles.
But those that had even a little sparkle in their eyes, or an intriguing expression, or even a little feel for who that person might be, pulled me in enough to want to read their entire profile.
What kind of photos NOT to use on your dating profiles
- Ones where you’re not smiling (more about this later).
- Glam photos: Headshots that are highly touched up, with perfect lighting, that make you look like a mannequin and don’t convey any personality.
- For women: Headshots of you wearing tons of makeup, unless that’s how you always look.
- Photos taken more than, say, 5 years ago. I’ve actually seen profiles for 60 year old men with just one photo, taken in high school!
- Only full body shots, taken at a distance, so people can’t see your face well.
- Blurry or badly cropped photos.
- Group photos in which you can’t be distinguished from the rest.
- Photos with your ex.
- Photos that don’t fully show your face.
- Bathroom selfies, even if the lighting there is the best you can find.
- An abundance of photos showing your car, pets, house . . . but not you.
- Pictures of the humongous fish you caught.
In general, your photos need to represent who you are now. You should not be a surprise to your date when they first see you.
I’ll never forget the times I was shocked on first dates by how unrecognizable some men were from their profile photos.
Tips to take good dating profile photos
Take some headshots and some full body shots, from various distances, in various poses and locations. Wear clothing that is attractive and fits you well.
Be sure that your close-ups, or headshots, convey warmth and approachability. Take lots of photos and choose the best ones. Have people you know help you decide.
You should probably have someone take your full body shots, although you could set up your phone or camera on a stand and do it yourself.
Take a few of you doing activities you love, and make note of that in the photo caption.
It should go without saying: Don’t post any lewd or overly revealing photos. They could give the wrong impression of you. Plus, the dating site may take them down.
And also, you want to keep a little mystery in the game.
You don’t need tons of photos. Five or six is good. Use more, if you have lots of good ones.
Attractiveness may not be as important as you think
As mature adults, most of us know by now that attractiveness in a partner is not the most important thing. So many other things matter so much more.
And attractiveness is subjective:
Attractiveness isn’t a deal-breaker when it comes to online dating.
Not only is this because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but also because so many elements go into what’s considered ‘attractive’ online, including what’s in your bio, body language, and even what’s in the background of your photos. It’s hard to quantify what labels mean: your ‘average’ might be someone else’s ‘very attractive’. Attractiveness is unlikely to be the core reason your profile doesn’t get attention.”
Smiling matters in your dating profile photos
Dr. Jess Carbino, scientist and in-house sociologist at Bumble, noted that too many people (mostly women) fall into the trap of trying to look like a somber model in their online photos:
“We’ve been so socialized to believe that this sexy, smoldering look is theoretically appealing because we’ve watched people in movies and in Calvin Klein ads presenting themselves in this way. But the vast majority of people don’t look like people in Calvin Klein ads.”
Plus NOT smiling
“Doesn’t give off the type of sentiment that you want to be projected toward a potential match. You want to come off as kind and approachable, which is what smiling projects.”
Instead of
“Seeming cold and distant, which is what a more grimacing or a less emotive look would project.”
Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher agrees and adds:
“When you smile, those who see your smile, smile back, even if very briefly. And as they smile, they use facial muscles which trigger the release of neurochemicals in their brain associated with feelings of pleasure — and they are thus likely to feel happy in your company.”
The kinds of smiles that attract in dating profile photos
The dating app Coffee Meets Bagel analyzed profile photos of members to determine the types of smiles that got the most “likes”, and were therefore considered more attractive:
- Women who tilt their head when they smile
- Men who keep their heads straight have better luck
- Both men and women win with big toothy smiles
- But women pull off a closed mouth grin better than men
- Both men and women lose with a laughing smile
The Headshot Wizard’s photo guide offers a few more tips for the best photos:
- Set your camera or phone to the highest resolution setting.
- Don’t crop your image too tight. Have some space around either side of your arms.
- NEVER use a flash!
- Take the photo during daytime in natural even light.
- NO direct sunlight.
- NO ceiling lights.
- The camera should be slightly above eye height.
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