• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Smart Dating Over 60

Mature dating advice to find true love after 60, from a woman's and a man's perspective.

  • The Dating Game Plan
  • Share Your Dating Stories
  • Dating Resources
  • About Us
    • About Daisy
    • About Cosmo
  • Blog
    • Single Women Over 60
    • Single Men Over 60
    • COVID-19 Dating
  • Shop
    • Mature Dating Game Plan
    • Mature Dating Challenges
    • 10 Disastrous Online Dating Mistakes
    • Mature Singles’ Quick Guide to Smart Dating
    • My account
    • Cart
    • Checkout
  • Contact Us

May 20, 2022 By Daisy 2 Comments

Sex and Mature Dating: When To Make Love For the First Time

sex and dating

Has this sex and dating scenario happened to you?

You’re on a date and everything’s clicking.

It’s early in the relationship . . . maybe it’s the first date, or you’ve only had a few dates.

You really like him or her, and you’re clearly extremely attracted to each other.

You can’t control yourselves. Things kick into high gear from one moment to the next. Suddenly you’re on your way to the bedroom and clothes are flying off.

This may be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Everything may work out, and your relationship may thrive and grow in a healthy way. It may develop into true love. You may have found your soulmate.

But more than likely, the relationship is doomed to crash and burn . . . probably pretty fast.

Having sex too early can kill a relationship before it’s had a chance to catch hold.

It seems that we all want things to happen super fast. In the digital age, we’re used to everything moving at lightning speed. We continuously upgrade to the latest devices and technologies, all designed to operate and satisfy our needs faster and faster.

This need for speed may have an impact on relationships, too. We may want instant gratification so much that we overlook the consequences.

A sex and dating mistake I made.

I remember a man I dated early in my dating career. Within the first few dates we had agreed to wait a few months before having sex.

But in less than a month of dating, we both got carried away and things progressed too quickly . . . and then suddenly what seemed to be a promising relationship abruptly fell apart.

The main problem: He was a recent widower, not ready to date yet, although a counselor had convinced him that he was.

The intimacy shook him. He became immediately distant and, a few days later, broke things off in a phone call. He was so freaked out he couldn’t do it in person.

The break-up was devastating to me for about a week, until I examined the relationship and realized that only the physical part was working. We were, in fact, incompatible in most other ways. He wasn’t right for me at all, and vice versa.

After that, I vowed not to let a strong physical attraction carry me away. I would wait a few months before having sex. I stuck to that plan from then on.

Because of my experience and those of other women I spoke with, I think it’s a terrible mistake to dive into having sex too soon.

3 BIG Reasons NOT To Have Sex Too Early in a Relationship

1. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) / Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)

sex and mature dating

Did you know that boomers are the most rapidly growing group with STDs?

According to the Centers for Disease Control, all kinds of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are on the rise for 55+ people in the U.S.

Can you guess why?

Probably because, without the risk of pregnancy, too many mature men and women don’t use condoms. They forget that STDs are still a distinct possibility.

A Huffington Post article quoted social marketing expert Natalie Bowring:

“There seems to be this myth that people turn 50, and they stop being able to have children, so they stop having sex but it’s not true at all.

A lot of people over 50 are finding themselves without a partner either through divorce or death and thanks to pharmaceutical advances, they feel great, they’re keeping up their sex drive and they’re living longer.

The rising rate of infection indicates older heterosexual adults are engaging in frequent, risky sexual behaviour but very little research has been done on why they are not using condoms or how to encourage their use in this age group.”

What about condoms for mature daters? Do they need them?

According to Michael Castleman in Psychology Today:

“Public health authorities insist they do. As 50 has become the new 30, older adults’ STI rates have risen. Since 2005, risk of syphilis among older adults has jumped 67 percent, chlamydia 40 percent, which is why health officials recommend condoms every time for everyone who dates until both lovers test STI-free and pledge monogamy.”

And, to be really safe, some couples will use condoms for a time in the beginning, even if both people’s tests come out clean.

2. Oxytocin, the love hormone.

During foreplay and sex, the hormone oxytocin is stimulated within us. According to Psychology Today:

“Oxytocin is a powerful hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It regulates social interaction and sexual reproduction, playing a role in behaviors from maternal-infant bonding and milk release to empathy, generosity, and orgasm. When we hug or kiss a loved one, oxytocin levels increase; hence, oxytocin is often called “the love hormone.” In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in all pair bonding. The hormone is greatly stimulated during sex, birth, and breastfeeding.”

Under the influence of oxytocin, we can’t always trust our emotions. We may misread our feelings for that person, thinking we love them when we’re really just strongly physically attracted to them. This often leads to poor decision-making.

Some people go so far as to move in together right away . . . or get married too fast . . . or loan money to that near-stranger . . . or perhaps get entangled in a business partnership.

3. Either (or both) of you feel pressured to have sex, even though you’re not ready.

when to have sex first time

You may assume you HAVE to have sex within the first few dates.

I remember a close friend of mine, who was single and dating at the time, telling me a few years ago that a friend of hers said she HAD to have sex on the first date, if she wanted to hang on to him.

That sounds like sheer desperation on the woman’s part, doesn’t it?

And think about it. What kind of relationship will this likely turn out to be if you’re succumbing to pressure on the first date and having sex when you know you probably shouldn’t, or you don’t really want to?

Besides, assuming that all men expect sex on the first date is an unfounded stereotype. I never found it to be true, and I had tons of first dates.

Ken Solin wrote in a Psychology Today article about his experiences as a man over 50 in the dating game:

“Countless online posts by boomer women complain of men who demand sex on the second date, and sometimes on the first. I’ve come to sympathize with them: Devaluing the goal of getting to know someone first strikes me as both dismissive and disrespectful.

Indeed, men (and women!) who still believe that casual sex is cool simply puzzle me. An emotional bond enhances both partners’ sense of safety, confidence and desirability. Midlife sex with a stranger, by contrast, seems more like masturbating. Where’s the love in that?”

As boomers, we grew up during the sexual revolution. Many of us had sex on one first date after another, without thinking too much about it.

Looking back, in my early 20’s I was what I’d now call promiscuous. I went along with things that now make me shudder.

Thankfully, I know better now and have more confidence in my decisions.

My Advice on Sex and Mature Dating

Wait before having sex . . . maybe longer than you’d like or think you should. No matter how great everything feels and how sure you are they’re the one, wait at least a few months.

It’s probably not a good idea to even bring up sex on a first date, especially if you’ve made the commitment to yourself to wait a certain amount of time.

Make it a regular practice to discuss the details with each partner that has potential, once you’ve had a few dates.

Come to an agreement with them about when you’ll start having sex. Agree that you’ll both get the full range of STD testing, before jumping into bed.

Abstain from having sex with those you know you’ll only have one or two dates with. Of course, if your goal in dating is just to have quick sexual hook-ups, then most of this article doesn’t apply to you. If this describes you, I strongly urge you to use condoms with every sexual encounter.

If someone with potential refuses to get tested, telling you their word should be enough, you’ve just learned that they’re not for you. If they care about you and they’re a decent, mature person, they’ll be willing to get tested. And they’ll be more than willing to let you see the actual results, so you can rest easy.

If you’re seriously looking to find true love, wait for love to be in the mix first. You’ll be glad you did.

Take the time to get to know each other first, and see if you’re kindred spirits, with enough common interests and shared values, who are truly compatible in the big and small things.

Get your dating life on track with our guide, The Mature Dating Game Plan – The Low-Stress Way to Find Your Soulmate After Divorce or Loss Without Getting Played

And sign up for our newsletter to get regular updates and advice on best dating strategies, and get your free copy of my ebook The Secret to Mature Dating Success.

Good luck in the dating game!

More About Sex and Dating

Mature Women and Sex: What Do Women Really Want and Need?

Filed Under: Second Dates and Beyond, Sex, True Love and Romance, Single Women Over 60 Tagged With: sex and mature dating, singles over 60, women over 60

Previous Post: « Best Place to Meet Singles – Online or Offline?

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. J. DeSimone says

    December 18, 2020 at 6:32 pm

    Excellent advice, a real partner is going to wait for you. The easy thing, is to jump in bed with someone. The hard thing, is to set the boundaries and live by them. Believe it or not, you will have more respect for yourself and the relationship if you wait. Please take it from someone who knows, waiting is the best thing in the world. If your partner does not want to wait, run, and run away.

    Reply
    • Daisy says

      December 21, 2020 at 6:36 am

      I totally agree, J. And setting the boundaries BEFORE you go on dates is key. Know what your deal breakers are, and stick to them. Thank you for adding your insights! -Daisy

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

The online dating sites below are our readers’ favorites … to find your soulmate, a companion, a fun date or fun activities

senior dating
join SilverSingles

We want to hear about your dating experiences … good, bad or mediocre

mature dating experiences

Spruce up your dating profile photo to attract more people

headshot wizard dating profile photo touchup

Play it safe. Get a second phone number just for dating.

Hushed private phone number

our dating ebooks

find your soulmate

The Mature Dating Game Plan – The Low-Stress Way to Find Your Soulmate After Divorce or Loss Without Getting Played

mature dating challenges

Mature Dating Challenges – Problems and Road Blocks That Can Keep You From Finding Your Soulmate Later in Life

Are You Making These 10 Disastrous Online Dating Mistakes Are You Making These 10 Disastrous Online Dating Mistakes? Don't sabotage your chances to find love and romance. Our ebook will help you.

Popular Dating Over 60 Articles

Top 10 Best Online Dating Sites for Over 60: How To Choose and Use Them

44 Places Where You Can Meet Singles Over 60

Sex and Mature Dating: When To Make Love For the First Time

How To Write a Dazzling Online Dating Profile To Attract Your True Love Faster

Our Best Advice for Better First Dates Over 60

How and Where To Meet Single Men and Women Over 60

Mature Dating and Widowhood: Are You Really Ready for Love Again?

7 Reasons Why Finding True Love Later in Life is Better

How to Attract Your True Love with an Abundance Mentality

Sober Dating When You’re Over 60

Secret to Dating Success -Smart Dating Over 60
Don't miss a single article by Daisy and Cosmo.

Sign up here for the Smart Dating Over 60 email newsletter...

...and get a FREE copy of Daisy's eBook,
"The Secret to Mature Dating Success"
Simply enter your name and email below.

Privacy Policy - We never sell or share your information with anyone.

Categories

  • First Dates
  • Know Yourself
  • Mature Dating Advice
  • Online Dating
  • Second Dates and Beyond
  • Sex, True Love and Romance
  • Single Men Over 60
  • Single Women Over 60
  • Uncategorized
  • Who Is My Ideal Partner?

Footer

FREE – ‘The Secret to Dating Success’ with Your Enews Signup

Don't miss a single Smart Dating article by Daisy and Cosmo. Join our dating advice newsletter here ... plus, get a free copy of their latest ebook, "The Secret to Dating Success."

Privacy Policy - We never sell or share your info.

Daisy and Cosmo on Twitter

Tweets by SmartDateOver60

Follow Us Here

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Legal Stuff

Terms of Use

Privacy Policy 

Site Map – Smart Dating Over 60™

Copyright © 2022 · Smart Dating Over 60 LLC · All Rights Reserved

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkPrivacy policy