Do you feel like you have bad luck in your dating life? Maybe you’ve had a string of awful first dates. Perhaps you blame online dating apps for your inability to connect with anyone.
Sure, it’s easy to blame bad luck when you have a series of lousy dates. In a perverse way, it’s even comforting to believe that your destiny in love is beyond mere mortal control.
If like me, you find yourself in your sixties after a series of unsuccessful relationships, your confidence in re-entering the world of dating is undoubtedly shaken.
You end up blaming yourself, thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with you that can’t be fixed. The problem with this thinking is that it absolves us of any responsibility.
The truth is that you can indeed re-program how you deal with relationships. In my case, a professional therapist helped me work through it.
The belief that bad luck is in control of our love life is a mistaken notion. It reminds me of what Henry Ford said about our thoughts, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
The fact is we always have control over our choices and in how we react to things going on around us. This includes our search for love.
I admit there is an element of luck and serendipity in life that’s not in our control. Think of your life as a ship on the ocean. Yes, you’re at the mercy of wind and currents. Yet you can steer the ship and set the sails to follow the course you want, despite the uncontrollable wind and currents. The same is true of your dating life.
How Do I Get Lucky in Love and Get Control of My Dating Life?
How then, are we to take control of our dating destiny?
In a recent article I talked about finding the best mindset for dating when you’re over 50 or 60. Without a positive, growth mindset, we become our own worst enemies by closing ourselves off to new experiences. In a sense, our own thoughts are laying the groundwork for being “unlucky in love.”
If you want to correct the course of your love life, a good first step is to adopt a growth mindset.
Stop Playing the Victim in Your Relationships
Next, ask whether you’re playing the victim. A sure sign you’re playing the victim is you blame others for your circumstances. If you’re judgmental and frequently use the word “should” about others, you’re being a victim. Playing the victim sabotages all your chances at having a good dating experience, never mind a good relationship.
Blaming other people or outside forces always positions you as a victim. According to Psychology Today, playing the victim game doesn’t serve your needs because it shifts responsibility and power about your situation to others. It bottles up your feelings which can lead to depression and other disorders.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl writes that many concentration camp survivors endured because they refused to feel victimized. They clung to their one remaining freedom, “to bear oneself ‘this way or that’…” in reaction to the horror going on around them. They never gave up that choice.
In contrast, a few bad dating experiences is nothing. We still have an incredible array of choices in how we play the dating game.
Being the victim is not an attractive quality to prospective dates who are emotionally healthy. Not only does it repel them (the right kind of partner), you attract precisely the wrong kind of partner.
When you believe you’re a victim, you trick yourself into believing that you have no control.
You always have control of how you react to whatever is going on in your dating life.
You always have control of the steps you’re going to take to ensure you don’t repeat past relationship mistakes.
Don’t be a victim.
If you find yourself indulging in the victim game, it’s a good idea to talk about it with a licensed therapist.
Bad Luck in Dating – 7 Reasons Why Your Dating Life is Off Course
If you’re not happy with your dates, try to figure out why. Then make changes to get back on course. Some possible reasons:
1 – Your online dating profile doesn’t really reflect who you are.
Perhaps you left the generic version of the online dating profile that came with the app, or you never bothered to fill in the details. You can’t attract the right partner if they don’t know who you are.
2 – You don’t really know what you want in a partner.
Maybe your idea of who you want is more fantasy than reality, based on pop culture, TV shows, or movie personalities. If so, take some time to define what you sincerely want in your date. If you don’t know what you want, you’re likely to fall for anyone, compatible or not.
3 – You’re not clear on your dating goals.
Maybe you’d rather just date than search for your next true love. If you only want to date but your dates are looking for partners, your dating experience isn’t going to be so great. Once you’re clear on your goals, the right kind of dates will be able to find you.
4 – You might be living in the past.
The way you dated when you were a teenager is probably not going to work well when you’re dating and over sixty.
5 – You might be attracted to people who need fixing.
If you have a history of failed relationships, it’s a sure sign your relationship programming needs a little tweaking. Believe me, this is some of the best work you can do for yourself and your love life. A good therapist is essential here.
6 – You’re recently widowed.
If the grieving process isn’t complete, you’ll have a hard time connecting with your dating partners.
7 – You’re recently divorced or separated.
The aftermath of a breakup is a time for self-reflection and work. Work to discover what went wrong and why. If you don’t do that kind of work, you’ll simply repeat the process. I know that myself from a few personal experiences!
7 Things You Can Do to Turn Your Dating Life Around
Once you have a better understanding of some of the reasons why you’re dating life might be off track, it’s time to take action. Here are seven things you can do to make that “bad luck” turn into good fortune.
1 – Self-Care
In order to have a successful dating experience, it is crucial to prioritize self-care. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being can increase your confidence and self-esteem. Self-care makes you more attractive to potential partners. This includes exercising, eating a balanced diet, getting sufficient sleep, and seeking professional help if needed.
2 – Develop Communication Skills
Effective communication is a key factor in building successful relationships. Improving your communication skills can help you express your needs, feelings, and expectations more clearly, which can lead to better understanding and compatibility with potential partners.
3 – Expand Your Social Circle
Meeting new people and broadening your social circle can increase your chances of finding someone compatible. Engaging in new activities, joining clubs or groups, volunteering, or attending social events can help you meet like-minded individuals and potentially lead to more successful dating experiences. The worst-cases scenario is that even if you don’t meet someone, you improve the quality of your life by doing things that you love. And that makes you a more attractive partner.
This related article lists some of the best social groups for seniors that could help your dating life.
4 – Use More Than One Dating Platform
If you rely on a single dating app or website, try different platforms to increase your chances of meeting the right person. Each platform has its own user base and unique features, so exploring multiple options may help you find a better match. Of course, there will be overlap…you’ll see some of the same faces on multiple platforms. But there are always new people to meet.
Check out our list of recommended dating platforms for senior dating.
5 – Be Patient and Persistent
Finding the right person can take time and effort. It is essential to be patient and persistent in your search for love. Don’t let a few negative experiences discourage you from continuing to try.
6 – Learn from Past Experiences
Analyzing and learning from your past dating experiences can help you understand your patterns and avoid repeating mistakes. Reflect on what worked and what didn’t in your previous relationships, and use this insight to guide your future dating endeavors.
7 – Embrace Rejection
Years ago, in the midst of a frustrating time in business, a mentor told me that every “No” is one step closer to a “Yes!” That advice got me to see rejection from a new perspective. It wasn’t personal. It was a part of the process, of the natural way the world worked.
Rejection is a natural part of dating, and it is important to accept that not everyone will be interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Learning to handle rejection gracefully can help you maintain your self-esteem and confidence, making it easier to move on and continue your search for love.
Final Thoughts on Having No Luck in Dating
Sure, things happen that aren’t in our control. If you have no luck in dating, or bad luck in relationships, there are concrete steps to take that can turn things around.
The key to happiness and an awesome dating experience is in how you react to the unexpected.
Don’t fall prey to blaming and the victim game. It’s one you can’t win. You always have choices to make to guide your dating life in a direction you want.
What are you going to do today to make your next date a success?
Check out this related article on the best social groups to get connected with other singles in your area.
Be sure to get your free copy of The Secret to Mature Dating Success.