Are you a woman over 60 who’s been dating hard for a while, looking for your soulmate . . . and getting discouraged time and time again?
Along with being prepared to date well – by first knowing who you really are and what kind of person your soulmate will be – there is at least one pretty big issue that may be the reason you haven’t been successful.
There are simply fewer single men over 60, than single women over 60 – it’s something like 3 single women to every single man in the 60 to 64 age range.
And it gets worse.
There are something like 4 single women to every single man in the 70-74 age range.
This doesn’t even factor in another important issue – among the diminishing pool of single men over 60, plenty of them are not relationship-worthy.
You know what I mean, if you’ve been dating for even, say, a few months. You’ve come across single men over 60 who you know would not be a good match for anyone.
The dreaded “older man/younger woman” syndrome.
To top it off, there’s another reason you may not be finding many older men to date – the older man/younger woman phenomenon . . . men who will only pursue a relationship with women 10 or more years younger than they are.
In reality, there probably aren’t that many single men over 60 who suffer from this affliction, but they are out there.
“Some suggest that older single males find younger women to date, a myth popularized by the media and the Russian mail order bride industry. But the reality is that this accounts for only a very small percentage of the older single male population, and most of them are George Clooney.”
My assessment of the older man/younger woman match-up is that those men are more than likely emotionally immature, and probably not such a great relationship candidate anyway, so you should quickly move on from them. Don’t try to convince them that they should give you a try.
Let’s take a look at this cultural phenomenon, in terms of whether a bigger age difference signals a proportionately worse relationship success rate.
What is the ideal age difference for couples?
An Emory University Study of 3,000 people from a few years ago, as reported in an MSN article, found that the greater the gap in age between couples, the more likely the relationship won’t last.
The study found there is an ideal age gap that will increase the chances of an abiding relationship.
Can you guess what that age gap is?
According to lifestyle writer Jamie Kravitz (@JamieKravitz on Twitter) in and Elite Daily article:
“Couples with a one-year age difference have a mere three percent chance of getting divorced. When you bump the age gap up to five years, the chance of divorce goes up to 18 percent. A 10-year difference is 39 percent, and a 20-year age gap has a jaw-dropping 95 percent chance of ending in divorce. Researchers found that the larger the age gap between a couple, the more likely they are to get divorced. So it seems that a one-year age gap is the ideal difference in a romantic relationship.”
There it is. A one-year age difference is ideal.
Of course, statistics are often meaningless, especially where affairs of the heart are concerned.
There are many successful marriages with an age gap of 10-20 years and more . . . even among celebrities. No surprise that the younger person in the relationship is almost always the woman.
My own dating and relationship story goes against the grain.
I came onto the dating scene again in my late 50’s with the notion that I would have to accept dating men at least 5 years older . . . and probably more than that.
Several of my female friends who had been dating recently, had me pretty well convinced of this.
The men I dated ranged in age from 10 years younger to 10 years older.
Initially, because of that misguided notion that only older men would be interested in me, I anticipated my dates with younger men with great trepidation.
But I learned fast that, just as we all hear so often, “Age is just a number”.
None of the younger men I dated cared that I was older.
I suppose it helped that I’m in decent shape, have a nice figure and look younger than my years . . . if I can believe what people have told me.
Even so, my first love in later life, Sam, was 9 years older than I was. I don’t believe the age difference would have mattered, except that he had a number of health issues that ultimately (and too quickly) claimed his life only 3 years after our relationship began.
If he had been healthy, we probably would have had 25 or so years together.
When I was ready to date again about a year after Sam died, I was determined NOT to date men more than 3 or 4 years older. I didn’t want to up the odds that I’d be left single again too soon.
I ended up going the other way. Cosmo is 4 years younger than I am. Our age difference plays no part in our relationship.
I did dwell on it at first, but the concerns I had were flimsy and came from my own insecurities. They vanished quickly.
My advice to women over 50 and 60 looking for their soulmate.
An age difference of even a handful of years – no matter who is older – will probably not have much of an impact on the relationship.
Be realistic. If you dive into what you hope will be a lasting relationship with someone 20 years older than you, chances are he won’t be around for more than 10 years or so. If that’s okay with you, then go for it.
And someone 20 years older is a generation older, with different reference points. You may not have a lot in common with them.
Don’t fret over dating men younger than you. If he’s the right guy for all the important reasons, he won’t care, so you shouldn’t either. It’s really as simple as that.
Do yourself a favor, if you’re with a younger man – don’t constantly refer to, or think of yourself, as an “older woman” or “old lady”. That kind of negative thinking is pointless and soul-crushing. It will diminish your happiness in your relationship, and your life in general.