On and off over the years that I was seriously dating and spending a lot of time on dating sites, I said to myself “I hate online dating”.
Why?
Burnout was one problem. But you can certainly burn out from traditional dating, too.
Unless you’re lucky, and if you’re serious about finding someone, expect to invest time in both traditional and online dating.
All that effort can lead to burnout.
In my experience, burnout turned me off to just about anyone, and that’s no way to find your soulmate.
It’s a good idea to take breaks when you feel it getting to you. After a few weeks off, you’ll come back refreshed and ready for it again.
I’ve mentioned before that Cosmo was one of the lucky ones.
He was on the dating sites for only a few days when I reached out to him. I was only the second person he dated through dating apps.
He got lucky because I had a dating game plan and was hard at work trying to find someone just like him.
In fact, I was about to take another break from dating because of burnout, but decided to do a final sweep of the sites I was on, and there he was.
My dating game plan included being honest with myself about who I was and what kind of man would truly be right for me.
Going into dating aware, and with a plan, pretty much guarantees that you’ll waste less time on dates with people who are wrong for you.
Being prepared, and having a plan, also revolves around actually going on numerous dates, which helps you understand yourself better. And gives you real-life experience to help you know what kind of people to pursue.
Why Do People Hate Online Dating?
If you’ve spent even a few weeks on the dating sites actively looking, you know the reasons:
- It feels like an unnatural way to meet someone.
- The costs can add up if you use more than one site, which is recommended.
- You may have had so many terrible experiences it’s hard to imagine you’ll ever have a good one.
- It seems like too many people who can’t get a date any other way are on these sites.
- You get ghosted too often.
- People don’t respond to your messages.
- The matches the dating apps make for you are all wrong for you.
- People post fake or deceptive photos of themselves.
The list goes on.
Although there are various reasons, the main one, in general, is that you waste too much time going on too many first-and-only dates.
Persistence Pays Off
My advice: Even if you’re discouraged, keep at it.
It worked for me. It’s worked for many others.
One of our readers here at Smart Dating Over 60 shared her dating stories with us and expressed similar dismay about online dating.
A 68 year old woman, she was looking for a relationship with “all the bells and whistles (romantic love with her soulmate)”, but was getting discouraged. She said:
- I hate the fact it is so time consuming
- I hate it when men talk about sex before we have even met
- I hate the fact that ridiculously young men keep making contact
But she persisted and then had a first date that turned everything around:
“Having spoken for at least an hour on the phone first we finally met for lunch – we started holding hands on the way to the restaurant and didn’t stop talking for the next 5 hours – we have basically been together ever since (8 months) – this happened after 8 years of not being able to find anyone suitable.
At my age I never thought I could be sexually attracted to anyone again and I am – this to me is miraculous – his trick was not to rush or panic me – in fact he took sex off the agenda for 3 months – I cannot tell you what a relief that was – we had time to get to know each other first – the pressure was off – I had time to adjust to a new body – fabulous.”
How to Turn Things Around When You Hate Online Dating
If you’ve decided that online dating sucks, you’re not alone.
Even though surveys show that a majority of people have positive experiences with it, your experience may be less than satisfactory.
So how do you turn things around? Try this:
Erase your negative mindset.
Everything we do is affected by our mindset. Start a task with a negative outlook and negative results are likely.
Maybe all your friends are telling you online dating is bad. Nevertheless, you begrudgingly sign up for a few dating sites thinking, “I’ll see what it does for me.”
The odds are it won’t work well because you don’t believe it will. Plus, you’re counting on the app to do ALL the work for you.
Start your online dating experience with a positive mindset.
Dating apps are simply digital tools. Every tool must be used properly to get the results for which it was designed.
Instead of, “Wow, online dating stinks,” think, “Wow, it’s great to have all these extra tools to help me find a partner.”
Sign up on a few sites or apps, including our readers’ favorite, eharmony.
Learn how to set them up and how to use them. Make a proactive plan and put your tools to work.
Is Online Dating Better Than Traditional Dating?
So wait a minute. If you hate online dating, should you just give up on it entirely and stick to traditional dating?
As Cosmo wrote in his article with the same title as the query above:
We all want the same thing—a partner.
Yet everything else will vary:
• The reasons for finding a partner
• Where potential dates hang out and socialize
• Location
• Age
• CompatibilityThere are dozens of “traditional” and offline ways to date (whatever “traditional” means to you.) For example, 44 Places Where You Can Meet Singles Over 60 has a comprehensive listing.
Don’t rule either one out.
It can feel overwhelming in the beginning. But if you want to find a partner, the key is to take that first step.
Start by trying something you’re most comfortable with. Then try something else.
And don’t rule anything out. Online dating sites are still one of the best ways to find your ideal partner.
I met Daisy online after living across the street from her for years, but never meeting or knowing her. I was brand new to, and a bit uncomfortable with, online dating when I met her. But I’m grateful I took that online plunge.
Don’t limit your resources and avenues for meeting people to date. You might find that one of these “channels” works better for you than you ever expected.
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